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Welcoming Authentic Change Despite Fear by Lori Marini

Change. The word alone makes most of us cringe. Unless a person has done a lot of self-development, as humans, most of us do not like change unless we are at the helm of it. 

Change is tricky. Change is scary. If things are outside of our control, we mostly will challenge any form of change: small changes like your partner switching the side of the bed you sleep on or significant changes like your being forced to take a 6:30 am virtual meeting when your day typically begins at 9:00 am.

But before you are able to embrace a welcome change, you must first dig deep and look into the root cause of why your reaction the way it is to the change. 

Is it something you did in the past that didn't work out the way you intended? Is it ingrained in you based on an experience in your childhood? Or is this something that you've never encountered before and you don't know how to be? Is it clear that all of the above require you first to accept what is? Reality

Acceptance of how you are, how others are, and the world's current status allows us to focus on the core of the issue and create an alternative way of being that will ultimately result in positive change. 

For example, sometimes this change is minimal, like deciding not to have sugar in your coffee. Other times this change is life-changing, like cutting sugar out of your diet entirely because you are borderline diabetic. Both of these changes are challenging yet result in a positive outcome of fewer cavities and less need for insulin. 

But what happens when change is not something you anticipated? 

The first step in approaching change that may have taken you by surprise is to understand this is not personal. Allowing this fact to sink to the core of your being is empowering and will free you to see the real reason why you are bothered. This nugget also serves as a reminder that some change has nothing to do with you. Get that change is just happening all around you and grazes your world.  

Second, get that no matter what you say or do, sometimes you must surrender to the "what's so". Meaning if the decision has already made (i.e. your coworker has been promoted over you, your favorite corner coffee shop is closing, or your bestie decides they are moving across the country).  These things are not happening because you are a terrible person or have bad karma. They are happening independently of your behavior and sometimes there is no room for negotiation. You must accept that they are happening and you may not be happy with the change.

Third, look for alternative ways on how you can create positive and effective change in your life. Believe it or not, most change IS within our control. Being successful with change is 100% tied to your acceptance of yourself (the good and bad) and the circumstances at hand. I like to think of it as our fight or flight response. With accepting change, you ultimately have two choices: 1. You can get on the roller coaster and enjoy the ride since you are already anticipating the loss of control.  2. You can cry the whole way down, kicking and screaming because the operator has wronged you. How dare he?!

In every moment in life, you have the power of acceptance and change. 

Your in-the-moment decisions, the reactionary ones that come from a place deep down where you stuff all of your anger, hurt, and mistrust from long ago, will always have you behaving in a way you may regret. 

It's imperative when confronted with change, ask yourself why am I not being accepting? Is this my true self or is this reaction from a decision I made long ago and stuffed it deep down inside? 

Recognizing this differentiation in the present moment is crucial to responding to change with acceptance and love.


P.S. You can free yourself of your old ties by doing the self-work AND we are here to support you in your journey. Just reach out. xo

~Lori Marini


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